Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Reflecting



Yesterday (Mon) was my birthday. Another year older and hopefully another year wiser. July 1st is halfway through the year and as it's my birthday too I thought it a good time to reflect on the people who have passed through or lingered in my life. I think you will all know someone in the categories I'm writing about.

The Bully.
Everyone has at sometime came into contact with the bully, whether it be at school or in the workplace. I was bullied by one boy at my senior school. I was bullied because, I went to church, I sang in a choir, I was a member of a drama group, I had a stammer, I was a girl. Pick any one of these and you still won't find the reason, I was bullied just because he could. I look back now and I don't know why he scared me so. He was small, significantly overweight and no one really liked him, he had his followers but their friendship was built out of fear. I eventually confided in a teacher and the bully was out of my life. I wonder what his life amounted to as an adult.


The workplace bullies think they rule, they are the queen bees. They think they have friends because no-one wants to cross them. They accept no one's point of view. That holiday you had was in a terrible resort. That restaurant you go to serves awful food, the books you read are trash. The bullies can't accept that people have their own ideas of what is good. I worked with the public and the bullies were there to look after them, did they? Of course not the public avoided them like the plague making work that bit busier for the rest of us.
Eventually one was challenged, she had brought another colleague to tears. The bully threw a strop and stormed off home never to be seen again, much to everyone's  relief.

The Me Mees

Are the people you may not speak to for a few weeks or months and when you bump into them at the shops or speak to them on the phone they will ask how you are and before you have time to reply they begin their monologue about what's been happening in their life. The holiday, the kids, the house, the distant cousin twice removed, it goes on and on and when you have said goodbye you realise that you haven't spoken about your holiday, your life, in fact the mee mee you have been speaking with for the last hour hasn't even paused for breathe to notice that you've fallen asleep.
A friendship built on rocky ground, you're never quiet sure of it.


The Drama Queen.
While your week end has been spent walking the dog, cleaning the house and visiting friends, the weekend of the drama queen has been very different. She/he has visited accident and emergency, crashed the car, had a visit from the police and her house is sinking.
These stories go on week after week until eventually you realise that she/he is maybe not so much of a drama queen and more of a storyteller, they should really write a book.
A friendship built upon water, eventually you'll just drift apart.

The Taker.
This person will take all the help you are willing to give them. The giver gives this help through kindness and sometimes love. The taker will usually say a word of thanks but it is a throwaway word, a last minute thought. The taker thinks their life is so much more important than anyones but still doesn't realise that without all the givers their life would be so much harder. 
 The taker never thinks of the giver except in what more they can gain from them. Special days are forgotten about, unless of course it is theirs.
The essence is that the taker is selfish but doesn't yet realise. Eventually the giver can give no more and the friendship which is built on shifting sands moves and the taker finally realises it when the giver is giving no more.

The Don't Say much People.
I could talk for Scotland but I do like it when people talk back, it's called, having a conversation.
 The, "Don't say much" people are busy texting on their mobile phones or face booking while you are talking to them, are their lives so busy that they can't give you even a little of it?
Being with people like these is a matter of asking a question and them nodding or saying yes, or no. You have to coax a conversation from them  and try not to ask questions which they can answer yes or no to. It all becomes too much like a hard days work, but still you persevere, you hint that they're a bit quiet today, sometimes they start talking and then the mobile pings and you're back to square one.
These people forget to tell you even important things and then are surprised you didn't know,
"It's because you didn't bloody tell me!"
A friendship built on landmines..one day you will explode.

The Fab and the Fun

These are the people you can go without seeing for weeks, months or even years and when you meet again you just take up from where you left off. There's never any of ,"Where have you been?" or ,"You never called" you are just so happy to be in each others company and you laugh until you cry.
Many of the fab and the fun will have been in your life for years, perhaps an old school friend, a sister, a cousin, someone you once worked with, whoever it is you're bound to have some kind of shared history together and it's a bond that that  years will never break.
A friendship built on firm foundations, you'd have no problems securing a mortgage for it.


Online friends.
In the past few years since starting my blogs and joining twitter I have made many online friends some I speak with more than others but  mostly on a day to day basis. We all having something in common, a love of books and writing. Val from Watery Ways has been asking the question on her blog,
"Do you consider your online friends to be real friends?"
I would say there's about a dozen of the online friends I would like to meet. I have good conversations online with them and they would be there with advice if I needed it. I think the only reason we have not yet met is distance, most live south of the border with a few in America, New Zealand and Europe so unless I win the lottery and can afford an around the world trip we will be sticking to our conversations online.
Maybe we would see each other differently if we met face to face. Online we are all equal, we speak the same, there are no accents posh or otherwise, no one cares how we are dressed (usually in our jammies with a glass of wine) would it be the same in person, would we judge each other?
Personally I don't think we would I think we all have spoken to each other enough that we know what to expect. So anyone heading to Scotland, you know where I am.

Online friendships built through technology, built to last.

So there you have it, some of the people who have passed through my life. I may now find out who reads my blog and thinks I'm writing about them, won't that be fun?

Yes, she has dinosaur stickers on her face!

22 comments:

  1. I've jettisoned a lot of the people you described above. I cut my FB friends list down by a lot. My criteria for cutting people I actually know in real life is whether or not they interact w/ me regularly or they never use their profiles. I had a bully torment me when I was in 5th grade; she and her toadies were in 6th. I never understood why she hated me when I was friends w/ her sister and brother and they always told her to lay off. I've often wondered what happened to all of them; they moved away before I went into 6th grade. I've searched their names online to no avail. I just want to ask the adult woman why she targeted me.


    I also had an 11th grade boy who was real mean to me when I was in 9th grade. We're engaged now. lol ;)

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  2. I think we all have these people in and out of our lives and it's up to us how much time we spend with them. Everyone is different and sometimes we have to be tolerant and accepting of other people's ways. Bullying of course is a different matter! I love the picture of you and your granddaughter, but I can't help noticing, there's not many candles on that cake!!

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  3. Anne, I have really enjoyed this post. Goodness, you know how to sum people up! What a great observer you are! I recognise all of these types - the good and the not so good. The fab and fun friends are just wonderful and I have a few of these who have saved my life (luckily not literally) on occasion. They are my anchors. I rarely see them or communicate with them, but it doesn't matter. I have also really enjoyed the comments on my blog about friendship online. In many respects, my online friends are more important these days as my freelance world might otherwise be lonely and people like you, Carol, Jo, Ros and Christina give me so much warmth on a daily basis, I would be a little lonely without you all. I am sure, and I mean this, that if we were to meet, our friendship would be cemented. Blogging is definitely where I feel that most, though :-)

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  4. *Panic* I think I might be one of those types. I'm not the one who never says anything. That would be an impossibility but I can't help wondering if I'm a tad on the me-mee side. I know someone who is a drama queen. She's had every fatal illness imaginable since she was a kid and now she's in her 60s! Oh yes, and I'd like some dinosaur stickers too. They're cool. (Is that correct use of young people's terminology or have I made a spectacle of myself again?!)

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  5. Anne and Ros, I forgot to mention I can be a drama queen too..haha…it's so much more fun than boring reality :-) And as you can see from the length of my answers, I can also be a bore…sigh!

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  6. Yes That's cool Ros. I can't imagine you being the me mee type. The last time I spoke to one I listened to all her holiday stories and never got to tell her any of mine.

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  7. LOL! That's writers for you!

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  8. Thank you Val,The fun and fab are the best and I thank face book for getting me back in touch with some of them.I'm going to meet a childhood friend I haven't seen for over forty years,she's older than me and remembers so much about my childhood and my parents.
    I do really enjoy my online friends I would be lost without them.
    My hubby is going to somewhere in Amsterdam for four days,I only wish I could go with him and hop over to Rotterdam but it's work related and he's going with another six people so I can't go :(

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  9. Oh I'm very tolerant Amanda my hubby says I'm far too soft but sometimes you like people faults and all.

    The photo is nice she had those stickers on all day and my son took lovely photos apart from the stickers. As for the candles,the middle one counted as ten.lol

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  10. I hate it when people are on fb anbd don't use it but look at your page when it suits them. I just don't understand bullies they cause such misery.

    Hope he's making up for being mean to you.

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  11. I love the descriptions of all the nasty buggers. Very strong characters in a book, perhaps? :) I know a few in each category. I'd be horrified if anyone thought I slotted in to any (but the last two) categories!

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  12. I would fall into a new category....hermit.

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  13. Aww, Anne. Maybe he'll come another time and you can come with him! That would be lovely!

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  14. Happy Birthday, fellow July baby!! I agree with so many of these categories!! Very astute!!! Do hope I'm in the online friends category - you're certainly in mine!!

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  15. I missed this yesterday as I was busy being a grandmother - something else we have in common, Anne, as well as intolerance for the me-me-mees! Hope you had a great day.


    (No idea if you're talking about me, but you've always been very supportive of my efforts. And I'd make you very welcome if you every ventured into deepest Wiltshire.)

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  16. I think we all know them. I'm just wondering where people would put me.

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  17. I suppose it depends if you like being in that category. I enjoy my alone time too.

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  18. Thanks Carol,yes of course you are,near the top of the list.

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  19. It's lovely to have the little ones but you really enjoy the time to yourself after they've gone. If my mother ever said that about my children I would never have understood. Yes Jo if course I class you as a friend,now where exactly is Wilshire,lol!

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  20. Head south, then on south, and south again, and stop about fifty miles before you fall into the Channel.

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  21. Happy Birthday my friend! I hope you had a wonderful birthday filled with love laughter and cake! Oh! and sunshine.....


    Ps ..I love the characterizations you've done in this post, I think we've all had everyone of these people in our lives from one degree or another; some more than others. People with their faces in their phone better not do it when I'm talking to them or I'm getting up and leaving, just saying!!!

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  22. Dear Anne,


    I have thoroughly enjoyed going through your blog and I felt compelled to let you know this. I cam across is from a Google search while researching Kelvin Hall stories, I am one of the Assistant Curators for the new development of Kelvin Hall with Glasgow Museums and your circus and carnival stories were touching :). If you ever have any more please do tell us them, you tell your stories so well and with so much charm.


    I will certainly keep reading your blog. Thank you :)


    Best wishes,
    Shahana

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