Wednesday, 3 April 2013

A-Z Challenge - Staying Fabulous and Fit After 50, C is For Confidence

Confidence.
Some people say confidence comes with age and experience but sometimes as we get older we can loose some of that confidence we spent years nurturing. As our body and mind changes we are not always as sure of ourselves as we were when we were young.
We may have retired and are no longer in a position of responsibility.Our children may have flew the nest and we have lost that role within the home. Of course some people are lucky and are just naturally confident and at home in any stuation.

I had to give up my working life because of a deterioration in my health. I became bored at home and needed a focus, so  I decide to try a college course. It took a great deal of courage to find the confidence to attend with some much younger girls than me (and men) but as the course progressed I gained the lost confidence in myself that I could still be given a subject to study and see it through to the end.
 The course was Swedish massage which included anatomy and physiology. I really needed to find confidence from somewhere when it came to laying hands on a stranger,but I worked through it.
 I did a short taster course first then signed up for the year long course,one day a week and I am now qualified in Swedish and Indian Head Massage, I never would have thought I would have done that.
I would urge anyone looking for something to give them confidence to take a short college course on something that interests them.

I then volunteered for a charity that helps mums with young children who are finding things a bit difficult. I had built enough confidence to join their training course and meet more new people. The mum I was paired with had just had a baby, she had mobility problems and her husband worked overseas, she is still my friend nearly four years later although I don't work for the charity now.

 We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Compliments.
Learn to accept compliments. I have watched many film and TV stars on talk shows when the host is fawning over them about how great they were in their latest film. The way they all handle a compliment is to smile and say,"That is so nice of you to say, thank you very much."



  In our younger days we may have received many compliments about how we looked, how nice our hair was, we may even have had a few wolf whistles on passing a building site. If that were to happen now I would think they were having a laugh but I would smile to myself anyway.
Maybe we don't get so many these days, but they're still lovely to receive,accept them gracefully and greatfully.
                                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                                     
                                                                                                                             

31 comments:

  1. Are/were you a Homestart volunteer? They do fantastic work - helping to keep the show on the road for young families who are struggling. My daughter had one when the twins were born and the 4-year old was still at home - it gave her that hour in the week when she had time to remember how much she loved them!


    And confidence - I think there's something about being older and realising that it matters less what people think of you. We don't have to impress in the same way we did when we were younger and fertile and needed to climb a career ladder. What a great thing to do with it - Indian Head Massage (wish you lived closer!).

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  2. For someone who had lost their confidence doing a course on massage was quite a biggie. I would be far too embarrassed to touch a stranger's body like that! As for compliments, if someone says they like what I'm wearing I want to say, "What this old thing?" even though I know that's actually quite rude.

    Rosalind Adam is Writing in the Rain

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  3. Taking compliments gracefully is all part of confidence I think :). Both hard, both worth striving for.

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  4. A great, positive blog. Confidence is such a tricky one and often the people we think have it in bucket loads are really shy but good fakers - on a good day, I've been known to do it myself! Somebody once said to me, 'We never truly know what's going through that relaxed, easy-going person's mind. Inside they could be quaking.' Oh so true :)

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  5. Just thought I'd mention, you have a typo in your heading. Yes, confidence is easily lost and restoring it by learning something new is always a good idea. In my case I like to try and learn languages.

    Thanks for visiting my blog.

    JO ON FOOD, MY TRAVELS AND A SCENT OF CHOCOLATE

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  6. Thanks you,I didn't notice it and spell checker doesn't seem to check the headings. I'd love to learn languages too,every year I say that.

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  7. Yes Amanda you're right,I heard people on tv say they were sick with nerves before going in front of an audience but you would never notice it.

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  8. Yes that's what I noticed on tv interviews they all accepted the compliment and said thank you,that's what I've tried to do since.

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  9. Anne, I so agree - it's really hard to keep up your confidence when you stop work. I went back to work after 12+ years of child-rearing, and although it was the last thing I wanted to do, it did give me renewed confidence - sometimes just realising that you are respected and listened to as an adult makes all the difference. I gave up work again when we moved to Edinburgh (not deliberately, there are just very few jobs in my sector) - I love being at home in some ways, but I am very aware of my confidence ebbing away - so I'm now volunteering as the secretary of one arts organisation and a trustee of another, and although I sometimes think 'all this work and no financial reward whatsoever', I enjoy it and feel it has improved my self-esteem.


    I admire you for taking those courses. I took an OU one last year, but I'm not sure how much studying at home does for you - I think it's good to get out and be among people. I think blogging is another good way to share ideas and opinions and to reassure yourself that you can think as an adult, and that people are interested in what you have to say.


    As for compliments, I do try to accept those gracefully, and to persuade my daughters to say 'thank you' if they are paid one - I tell them that to say 'oh I'm no good at X really' or 'no, I look rubbish', etc is actually rude to the person who has complimented them, as it throws their comment back in their face.


    Another interesting post!

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  10. I always feel a bit uncomfortable when i offer a heartfelt compliment and the person brushes it off and doesn't know how to accept it gratefully. My guess is they are lacking in confidence.
    I applaud you add for traveling out of your comfort zone and trying new things, I have to be honest it's not something I would think of doing. I'm a chicken on that count.

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  11. Anne, what an inspiring post. You are an example to us all in so many respects. What a wonderful course to have done. So calming and so healing. I take my hat of to you, I really so. I am still studying, but only really to keep my job! Everyone here has a Master's degree, so to keep teaching at college and uni level, I have to have one too. However, my real ambition is to do a skipper's course! Maybe you've given me the courage to do it now!

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  12. I agree with everyone, a very positive and uplifting post! It's not easy when you lack confidence to step out of your comfort zone and brave and rewarding when people do. Well done to you for doing that! Women are terrible for brushing off compliments for example 'that's a lovely top' 'what this? oh this was only cheap' or such like comment. Do you not think?


    Love the picture of the little dog.

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  13. Thanks Rosemary. I really missed work when I stopped and the company but now Im enjoying looking after my granddaughter and friend's grandson,although tonight I'm exhausted.

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  14. I used to do that too with compliments,I don't anymore. I had to do something hated being at home all day.

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  15. Thanks Val.I 'll accept your compliment gracefully. A Master's degree must involve lots of studying. You should do the skipper's course it's something you love and we should always have time for the things we love.

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  16. No it's not easy but if you want to do something that interests you then you have to take that step. We are terrible at accepting comments but we shouldn't be. I love the dog too he's so cute,I want one.

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  17. Another great post :) Compliments are a difficult one - I only give compliments if I mean it, but compliments aren't always about looks / clothes / hair. Compliments can be personality to, and dealing with things confidently. That said a nice hairdo or touched up nails can go down a treat.

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  18. I lost my confidence when I was widowed so bought some self help books of Paul McKenna and have never looked back. I could do with a massage as my shoulders and arms are painful. Loved your blog and post, Happy atmosphere.
    Yvonne via the A to Z challenge.

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  19. Stopping by from the #atozchallenge !

    @JLenniDorner

    Please accept the compliment that I enjoyed this post. ;)

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  20. I love that wee pug! He's beautiful :) I think a lack of confidence & self-esteem is the cause of many people's inability to better their lives, which is a shame. We could all do with a bit more confidence. That's lovely that you kept in touch with your old client :)

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  21. Ah! Discus didn't like me this morning but now I think it's letting me through. If only I could remember what I said earlier...

    Love the post and admire your bravery in stepping out of your comfort zone and achieving such success.

    Re compliments, I'm always honest when I give them, even with women in stores who ask me how they look in something they might want to buy. ;) I'd like them to be honest with me, too.

    Barbara

    C is for: Chocolate (and other things)

    www.barbarawhitedaille.com/blog

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  22. Massaging men! *gasps with surprise then pauses* ooooh! Could be interesting - I didn't say that! It was a computer gremlin!

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  23. Yeah! Big fat hairy ones. No wonder I em,manipulated it so I only ad women.

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  24. As a 50 plus lady, i totally get you! I agree that Confidence is key. With each passing year I find myself becoming more and more confident. Definitely one of the benefits of getting older.

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  25. Brilliant post, Anne. And so true. As you know, in some fear and trepidation, but with the support and help(also important) of some lovely fellow writers, I started a blog last May, uploaded an ebook in Aug and joined Twitter. It took a LOT of confidence -some of it faked, to do this...but the mental rewards of achieving in older age are, I think even more satisfying than when young, when such things are expected. Go girl!! I stand alongside you....

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  26. Such an inspiring post Anne. I've just finsihed ahome course because I didn't have the confidence to be in a group of sixteen year olds in college! I'm happy with my choice as have gained loads of confidence these past couple of years :)

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  27. That's a good way to start,once you realise that you can do a course and apply yourself you can do a college one and make new friends.

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  28. Yes you did and are doing so well.It took courage for me to start my blog and I had no encouragement apart from twitter.

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  29. Yes we fifty plus ladies rock!

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  30. Thanks for trying again.That happened to me in a store,waiting for a changing room a girl came out with a dress on that was a bit tight ,she asked the assistant how it looked and she said it was lovely,she then looked at me and said,"Tell me the truth" so I said quielty,"bigger size maybe?" she was so pleased I had told her the truth.

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